24 hours, 5 years, 10 months(romantic story series)

[romantic_story]

24 hours, 5 years, 10 months Ch. 06
bywieliczka©

"It has gotten better for us in the last couple of weeks Genevieve. These counseling sessions have made a big difference. As you know, we've been doing the homework you assigned. Both Jim and I have calmed down quite a bit and it's feeling so much better."

"That's right. Marie's been wonderful. I think that she's finally feeling that I'm here for real. And that I'm starting to see her other side too. She's starting to feel free to be who she is again. Me too. Pulling back and having us start courting again instead of trying to pick up where we left off before was a great thing to do. We both weren't ready."

"What have you two been dealing with this week? Who wants to go first? Is it your turn Jim?"

The counseling session continued for the next 35 minutes. Reconnecting after 5 years apart after a horrendous break up was not going to be easy. But we were trying.

That first time she initiated making love, it wasn't working on her side and we needed to stop. She later offered to take care of me, but by that time, that was no longer important.

After we stopped, we talked later that afternoon and I found out that she's had a problem in bed for years. She had a difficult time enjoying sex with her partners and definitely with her husband. She hoped that making love with me after I came back would 'put all that to bed', but it didn't.

Months after she married, she said that she was starting to have trouble being aroused by him. She spent tremendous energy pretending in order to make sure that that he was satisfied. Her goal was to make the marriage last, no matter what the cost. She couldn't handle another failure. Part of her wanting and not wanting to get back together, was to see if this was going to be a continuing problem. That first time in the shower with me after the canoe trip, she imploded from fear.

The next morning she gave it the ol' college try, and it still didn't work.

This session flew by quickly and Genevieve started to wrap up. "When we started, we talked about working on things outside of these sessions. I think that you've both said that it's been a good thing. The last couple of assignments concentrated on slowing both of you down, taking a step back, giving each other room to get comfortable." We both nodded. We didn't try to make love again, but we did progress to a more natural holding of one another. I never realized how much non-sexual touch means to a relationship.

Genevieve continued, "This week's assignment will be quite a bit harder. For each of you, figure out what you personally feel are missing now. I'm not talking about making love, but the emotional things that aren't there or not quite right. And as I've said before, take it easy on yourselves and go slow. You both have lots of things to work out and it all won't be done in a day."

After our counseling sessions, Marie and I would head for a quiet place to talk about what the session was about. The time we were together 5 years ago, we couldn't see that we were going to be having trouble. We actually were pretty shitty communicators. She expected me to read her mind. I thought that when she did something that really pissed me off, I'd withdraw till she 'got it'. As I said, we have less of a problem with being pretty shitty communicators, just less.

In our individual counseling sessions in the past 5 years, both of us touched on this problem one way or another. And now that we were trying to start again, we both knew we had work to do. Communication was even more important now with the emotions of your partner involved. We also learned to cut each other some slack.

[romantic_story]

We walked outside and saw the rain clouds and felt the individual drops of an oncoming rain. We had planned to sit at a neighborhood bar that had outdoor seating. "Jim?" I turned around to look at her, "I've got an idea. I've been to your place a couple of times. How about you going to mine? We could sit out of this approaching rain and we'd have quiet. My one loud neighbor is on vacation this week. It's been 4 months and you still haven't seen my apartment."

"Sounds good to me, I'll give you a 5 minute head start to let you clean the place up before I arrive." I immediately started chuckling. There was only one time I saw her have a mess, and that was that day over 5 years ago. I put that out of my mind and quickly added, "I'll be right behind you, let's go."

It took us over 10 minutes to get to our cars and get there. It's a 1920's vintage building, very well maintained in a neighborhood that is on the verge of getting trendy. That means that I'll have some trouble finding parking on the street. She had a parking space in back.

I wasn't without luck and there was a spot about 4 doors down and I only got a little soaked in the downpour. I got to the lobby door and she buzzed me in. She was dry as anything, but an umbrella was drying on the wet shoe mat.

"Jim, I know you keep an umbrella in the car, why didn't you use it?"

I looked at her. Some things she'll never understand. So I decided to be patient and completely explain it to her in great detail. "I'm a guy." I headed toward the bathroom to towel dry my hair and comb it.

She called back, "Are all guys like this?"

I was finished and walked into her tiny living room. "No, some care even less." She just shook her head. I'm sure she thought something about the book Mars and Venus. "What can I get you to drink Jim?"

"Do you have any sipping whiskey?"

"I'm my father's daughter and he does visit occasionally, except when he's spending the night at your place."

"Would you join me in some?"

She nodded and asked "Neat?"

"Yes please." She knew that I didn't take ice. Can't taste the flavor of things when they're very cold. "This is a very nice small place you have here."

"The rents been OK and I don't have any visitors, so I don't have to worry about entertaining. I usually end up going out to Terry's house or we hit the spots for music and a beer. By the way, will you be there Sunday? They were going to grill. It was only going to be the four of us."

"I wasn't sure, but if you're there, then I'll be there for sure."

At this point she became quiet and was a bit pensive as she was pouring the drinks. She was a little generous to us both. The look on her face was deliberate and I knew what that look meant. She passed me my drink and I took a sip. She put hers down. "I was thinking about the homework that we have this week. I know my answer now."

"That's funny Marie, so do I. Who wants to go first?" She nodded to me to begin. I started with another sip of whiskey. I thought about it for a second then I nodded to her, "No, can you go first?"

"Jim, I've been struggling with this for a long time." She hung her head in sorrow. "I fucked up royally 5 years ago. I've owned what I did, I've tried to become the best person I could. I still walk around like I have a big red letter A on me, like in the book. You know that book on about the adulteress in the colonial era." I knew what she was talking about, the Scarlet Letter by Hawthorne. High school required reading. I've always wondered why high school students had to read that book. Now I know.

"I can't shake it. No matter how I try, it won't go away." She was quiet and she took a big sip of her drink. Then she took another. For the size of her frame, it was a good thing she wasn't driving tonight.

[romantic_story]

"Wait a minute Marie. You have to grow from that. We were 20 years old then. We were pretty immature. Since then you've done so much, become so much. You can't let this stop you. You survived your marriage. Even the first time I met again, you said you did the right things for your marriage, but it didn't work out. You can't do this to you. You're very important, you're so much better than that to beat yourself down."

I suddenly stopped talking. I heard a click. It didn't come from outside of me. It was from the inside. I understood what she was missing in a flash of understanding. It was not her, it was me. I finally realized my part of what was wrong and I stated to run toward the end of the dock. The water was going to immediately feel cold, but we were going to be clean and refreshed after the shock.

"Your problem isn't with you." I moved closer to her and held her hand. "Once again, you've done everything right. You've apologized to me, multiple times. This idiot never told you that he accepted your apology. Has he?" She shook her head no, and the tears were starting to roll down her cheeks.

"I've never said that I forgave you. I've tried to show it, but I never said it, have I?" I reached over to hug, and she joined with me. So many missing pieces, this was one of the biggest. Showing things are sometimes not enough, saying them with all your heart to your love is so much better.

"I seen all the goodness of Gail Marie these past months. Indeed, it is you Gail Marie that I never told that you have fully made amends in life. I have not been man enough to tell you that I accepted your apology, that I forgave you for what happened so long ago, and I appreciate you for the person you are.

"I'll admit that it's been difficult for me to forgive. It keeps on popping up at the wrong times. I fight it and most of the time I win.

"But you, you have done so much better that I ever could. You've raised yourself way above me, you're my shining angel of courage. The woman who puts me to shame for her total humanity. I am in awe of what you have become, who you are now.

She looked at me in disbelief. I guess that there was a bunch more things that I've never told her.

"I've tried real hard, honest I have. But I know that this is where I've been at. Part of me, deep down is still hurt. It keeps popping up at the worst times and I don't know what else I can do about it. I've been trying to give it time, and it's getting better, much better. The more time we spend with one another and the more we work things out is helping so much.

"I knew what happened so long ago will no longer matter real soon. Now I see that it has been stopping you from healing. It has been stopping me from healing. We're getting closer together every day."

Tears were running down our cheeks. Then she pulled back and smiled. Not a happy smile, but a bittersweet one. "I know that, I've known you've forgiven me. Now that I hear it, it is so sweet."

She took a sip of her whiskey, then waited, then immediately downed the rest. I was sitting very near the bottle and she shook her glass to ask for a refill. That was not like her at all. I poured her some more, then added two fingers to mine. I'll worry about driving home later, even if it means a call to Bill for a lift, and I need to get him out of bed. That's what friends are for. Terry should understand, I hope.

"But this is where I'm stuck Jim. I can't forgive myself." The tears really started pouring out of her. I reached over and hugged her and held her while she let it out.

We sat there holding each other for what seemed like hours. I felt her body mold against mine, I felt the love in her heart, the sorrow in her being. I was the one that broke the silence. It was back to the sauna and the lake. Do what you need to do, just do it.

I stood up in front of her and commanded her attentions with my eyes. In a loud voice I said, "Gail Marie." She winced at her name and my loudness. "Over 5 years ago you said that cheating was only sex, it didn't mean anything. We parted in a tornado.

"Please accept my apology for not telling you that I have totally accepted your apology, your remorse, your desire to be the best person that you can be.

"Your journey was so much more difficult than mine. You are one amazing woman. Please forgive me for not telling you what I really feel. I believe in you." I grabbed my sipping whiskey and downed it immediately. "We need to move beyond this. We have a future together, you are my partner in life. I love you with all my soul."

I held her head in my hands while I looked into her eyes. I think that I may have finally done something right. She leaned over and kissed my lips. I pulled her up, standing up, holding on to me. We clasped each other and swayed back and forth. Part of that was the drink, part of it was holding on to one another. I think that we felt completeness. Her crying stopped, one of her hands caressed my face. A tension left our bodies.