Nick
Jack had just come back down the stairs after trying to talk to Scotty. I was heartbroken to hear that Scotty wasn't quite ready to hear the truth about Portia and me.
After Jack and Scotty were done with their yelling at each other back and forth, between Jack in the living room and Scotty in the loft bedroom, I motioned to Jack to come with me to the den. Scotty wouldn't be able to hear us there, and I needed to talk to him some more about what was going on.
"Have a seat, Jack," I said. "Let me offer you a drink."
"Ooh, a cocktail. To tell the truth, I haven't had a cocktail in several days. I've been too busy busting my hump trying to find more Broadway work."
"How are things going with Bob's production?"
"Oh, great. But, it's a chorus part. I'm ready for something more big-time. But it's a stepping stone, for sure. Thanks again for helping me get that part."
"Don't mention it."
Both of us sat down on the couch, and I put my drink on the coffee table, on top of a coaster.
"So, I guess that you and Scotty are like brother and sister, huh?" I said to Jack.
"Yeah. As you could hear, we fight like brother and sister. But we love like brother and sister, too, so it's all good. Sorry about her stubbornness. She can be like a mule sometimes."
"Well, she's hurt. Physically and mentally. Which reminds me. Charlie should be here at any moment, with the painkillers that Scotty's doctor prescribed for her. So, be watching for it."
"Of course," he said, sipping his mojito. "So, I guess I need to go back up there at some point, when she's calmed down, and try to talk to her again."
I nodded my head and took a deep breath. "Yeah. But, what if she doesn't believe the truth? You know her, probably better than anybody in the world. I wish that I knew her as well as you do, but, of course, she and I haven't been together that long. Do you think that she's going to believe what really happened in that office?"
"Girlfriend better believe it. God, I was so pissed at her when she gave you such a hard time before. I could tell that you're a good guy and that you're genuinely in love with her. She just wouldn't believe me, though. So, I finally just gave up. The problem with Scotty is that sometimes she gets in her own way. Not that I can blame her. Poor girl had such a shitty life. But it's frustrating when you see somebody making so many mistakes, and you just can't do anything about it. You just want to shake them sometimes."
"I know what you mean. But, to be fair, Scotty had a reason not to trust me. I have been a bad, bad boy. To tell you the truth, I had all but given up on finding somebody to truly love until I met her. But she doesn't know that. She doesn't know the life that I have led and why I have always been hesitant to get emotionally involved with women."
Jack took a sip of his mojito. "This is delicious, by the way," he said. "You know, I'm curious, though. You've had issues with opening up before. Why now? Why Scotty? I mean, she's a special girl, that's for sure. But what made you decide to give your heart to her?"
"I've asked myself that very question. It's partly that she's so spectacular in so many ways. Strong yet vulnerable. Intelligent yet naïve. Guileless and sweet, but I can tell that she can be a badass if she wants to be. So many contradictions, and so wickedly talented and beautiful, which doesn't hurt."
"She is all of those things. But so are probably a lot of other women. So, why her?"
I sighed. "She's, she's, she's…the one. Sometimes it just comes down to that, you know?"
At that, Jack smiled broadly. "Yeah. The one. Man, I wish I found that myself."
"You will. When you're not looking. I certainly wasn't looking. Hell, I was dating a supermodel when I first noticed Scotty. Supermodels, for me, were safe to date, at least the ones that I met, because they're so into themselves. I'm quite sure that there are supermodels who aren't like that, but the ones who I was attracted to were. When you're dating a narcissist, there's zero chance of falling in love. Which was how I wanted it. Then, somehow, someway, Scotty snuck in, just when I least expected it. And I haven't been the same since."
"Scotty hasn't either. I mean, I know that she gave you a hard time, but, you now what? That girl is deeply in love with you. I mean, head over Pradas. So, don't worry, I'm gonna give her some time and then go up there and talk to her again and try to make her see the truth about what happened between you and the evil queen bitch at your firm. And, we got all the time in the world. With that broken leg, she can't go nowhere."
I smiled, in spite of myself. I felt a little bit uncomfortable that he was being so casual about Scotty's injury, but, then, it made me see how close their relationship was that they can kid each other about such things.
"So," Jack said. "Scotty's the little sister that I never had. You got any siblings yourself?"
I took a deep breath. "No. I mean, I have a best friend that I love like a brother. But, no."
"Oh, an only child, huh? Me, too, technically. But, like you, I feel that I have a sister, 'cause that's what Scotty is."
Another deep breath. "No, I'm not an only child. I, I, I had a sister. Her name was Michelle."
"Oh," Jack said, and looked down at his drink. "I'm very sorry. I didn't know."
"Yeah. She, uh, died of cancer when I was only 12." I swallowed hard, because I could feel a lump coming into my throat. "She was only 14 herself. She, uh, was really somebody special, too. I mean, we fought, like brother and sister do. But she always looked out for me."
Jack was sitting there, and I could see little tears start to form in his eyes. He just silently sipped his drink, and looked like he wanted me to continue.
I laughed a little. "God, I was so mad at her one time. I think I was about 7 years old, and she was 9, and I was kinda a scrawny kid. Anyhow, there was another boy, and I think that I was flirting with his little girlfriend. You know, like you do when you're seven. You pretend that you're getting married to them, and you give them a little Barbie doll or something. I knew that this little girl was 'going with' this other little boy, but I didn't care. She liked me too, and I gave her a little trinket that I got at a swap meet."
Jack looked like he was charmed with this story, because he was smiling a little.
"And that didn't go over too well. So funny. I guess that I was a little womanizer even then. Sorry, a girlalyzer. Ha, I just made a new word. Anyhow. That little boy and I arranged to fight it out at the playground after school hours. But Michelle, she found out what I was going to do, and damned if she didn't show up there too." Then I started really laughing. "So, Michelle, she lectured this little boy about how fighting was wrong, and that she was going to tell his parents and all of this. And I was about ready to punch Michelle instead of Tommy, the little boy." I shook my head. "I was so pissed. She obviously had no idea how boys settled things."
"So, what happened with you and the little girl?"
"Ah, I decided it wasn't worth the effort, so I moved on to another little girl in class. Pamela, that was her name, hated me so much after that. She dumped Tommy, too."
Both Jack and I started laughing at the story.
Then I got serious again. "That, uh, that was the story that I told at her funeral. Because she was protecting me just because she loved me and she didn't want to see me get hurt." I shook my head. "I closed myself off emotionally after that. You know, you're a man. You learn pretty early on that crying is for girls, and emotions are for babies. But, you know what? That's bullshit. I wanted to cry, I wanted to get emotional. I wanted to show how lonely and depressed I got after she died. But I couldn't. So, I just found a way to push it all down."
Jack touched my arm. "But you found a way to open up, huh?"
"Well, Ryan, my best friend, helped with that. He came to live with us not long after Michelle passed, and it was such a breath of fresh air. He brought my parents back to life, because they felt that they had another son. And he needed us so much. He was always the one who wore his emotions on his sleeve. I tried to be like him, really, but I went the other way. I just couldn't open myself up like he always could."
"But that's changed, right?"
"Yeah. That's changed. That changed with that beautiful woman upstairs. My heart is open now, and it feels amazing. I never thought that it would happen, but it did."
Jack nodded his head. "Well, then, there's no question. Scotty belongs with you, and you belong with her. She might be hard-headed, but she's really just trying to protect herself too. God knows she's earned to right to do so, poor girl. But, don't worry. She'll see the light and she'll understand what happened with you and Portia, and then she'll let you help her through what happened to her on that island."
"Right. I mean, I don't know exactly what did happen to her on that island, but I could just imagine. That man. He's cruel. You look in his eyes, and you can just sense his depravity. I felt nauseated just being in the same vicinity as him. But as soon as Scotty is strong enough, I'm going to have to work on her to make sure that she goes to the police about this. For that matter, I need to take her to the hospital."
"She won't go. She hates hospitals. And, considering she was abducted from one, I doubt that you can get her to step foot in another one without her literally kicking and screaming."
"I know. I have a feeling that you're right about that. But I wish that she would. I don't want to be indelicate, but there needs to be evidence of what happened to her so that we can nail that bastard to the wall. The longer we wait, the less likely that there's going to be any evidence to be found. But, I don't want to pressure her, either. She's been through enough already."
Jack looked thoughtful. "Well, I can certainly try to talk her about going to a hospital, so that they can do a rape kit on her. But, don't be surprised if she throws me out of the room again."
"Thanks, I would appreciate that immensely."
"Not a problem." Then he took another swig of his mojito and said "well, I'm going in. Wish me luck."
"Luck," I said with a smile.
After he left, I was left with my thoughts. I wanted so badly to go up there and hold her and comfort her. But, at the moment, she wanted zero to do with me.
I silently prayed that Jack could get through to her, so that I could truly help her recover from all that she went through on that island.
Saving Scotty by Annie Jocoby - Romance Novel
Re: Saving Scotty by Annie Jocoby - Romance Novel
Scotty
I wasn't wanting company. I wanted to be alone. Yet, I stopped hearing voices downstairs, and I wondered if I was alone. And, I suddenly wanted Nick to be right there next to me, by my side.
God, this was frustrating. I wanted, so badly, for that beautiful blue-eyed man to come and lay in the bed with me, and stroke my body and hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright. I wanted to cry on his shoulder until my tears could come no more, and cling to him like I have never clung to anybody before. I wanted him to be my person, my rock, the person that I could always depend upon to love me and give me the strength and stability that I desperately needed at that time.
I mean, I was literally ready to kill myself on that island. I had a plan. I was going to go through with that plan. To say that I needed somebody there to help me overcome the immense pain that was brought on me by that evil Mr. Lucas was an understatement.
Yet, Nick couldn't be that one. No way. No way. How could I possibly allow somebody who betrayed me so fundamentally be that one?
So, I felt like screaming, I was so frustrated. I was so angry at what had happened to me. Angry at Mr. Lucas and furious at Nick. And, just like that, I stopped wallowing in my pity and started to feel like I was going to get out of that bed, by hook or by crook, and get down there and pummel Nick with my fists. Tell him how rageful I felt toward him, and how I never wanted to see him, ever again. That he better let me leave, or I would call the police. Or something.
Then, I calmed down, and started to think about the good times again. And I felt, once again, the love that I had for him. The protection that I felt coming from him. The feeling that I wanted to spend eternity with him.
I was so messed up at that point. I didn't know which emotion to trust. All that I knew was that I was feeling every emotion to the nth degree, and I was like an exposed nerve. Everything bothered me. The love I felt was just as strong as the anger and the hatred. So, I was confused, to say the least.
At some point, Jack came back upstairs. "Madam," he said, in his best maître d' voice. "Mr. O'Hara would like to know what you would like to eat. On the menu we are featuring roast duck with baby carrots and asparagus with Hollandaise sauce. A baked potato will round out the meal." And then he shrugged. "Or, you can just have pizza," he said in his normal voice. "Nick ordered one and it will be here in a half hour."
In spite of myself, I smiled and then laughed. "Come here, you," I said, motioning him to the bed.
He sashayed over to the bed, and crawled in next to me. "So, little Scotty," he said, putting my head on his shoulder. "Are you ready to listen to me finally?"
"No," I said. "There's nothing that you can say that will change my mind about Nick. He has to not be in my life. Period."
Jack sighed. "Well, then, how about another subject. This is going to be touchy, but, it needs to be said. You need to go to the hospital."
"NO! And if you think for two seconds that I will ever, and I mean ever, step foot in another hospital again, you have another thing coming, sister."
"Scotty. I love you. I want what's best for you. But, come on now. You need to have certain tests done. Nick wants to nail Mr. Lucas, but the only way that we can is if you go to the hospital and get, you know, a rape kit done." When he said the words "rape kit," he said them so softly that I could barely hear them.
But that didn't matter. I already knew what he was getting at. And I wanted nothing to do with it. Zero.
"Nope. Sorry. Not doing it. I'm not going to let that hospital put a metal thing in my you know what. I've been traumatized enough, thank you very much."
"Well, then, hang on," he said. "I'll be right back."
"I'll be here," I said sarcastically. "Where am I going to go?"
"True that," he said with a wink.
He left, and I laid there, staring at the ceiling. I had a feeling that there would be something brewing, something that I didn't like.
He came back, and my instinct was correct.
"Ok," he said. "So, you don't want to go to the hospital. That's okay. Nick said that he knows a doctor who makes house calls and-"
"NO. No means no. I don't want anybody near me with any kind of metal anything. Now, leave this room if you can't comprehend what I want."
"It's for your own good," he said.
"Jack, I swear to god, if that doctor comes near this bed, I will scream so loud that people in New Jersey can hear me. New Jersey, nothing. People in Florida will be able to hear me."
"Scotty. Now listen to me," Jack said in a tone of voice that I had never before heard from him. For once, his voice wasn't playful. It was commanding and intense.
I got quiet. "Okay, Jack, I'm listening."
He took a deep breath. "Good. Now. That man is a predator. He has haunted you your entire life, and now he has attempted to destroy you again."
"Tell me something new, or I'll stop listening."
"Quiet," he commanded. "Now, if you don't allow this doctor to examine you, then you will have made the most selfish decision that you could possibly make."
"Selfish? What do you mean?"
"Scotty. Do you think that you're the only one that he has preyed upon? And do you think that there is not going to be another girl whose life will be ruined by him if he continues to walk free?"
I blinked back my tears and shook my head silently.
He continued. "There's going to be another little girl who's going to be scared to death of her own shadow and going through life the way that you have, just because that man will have done something to her that you could have prevented. You can prevent that from happening. But you have to let that doctor examine you. Only then can you finally have the evidence to hang that bastard."
I inhaled my breath and held it. I could feel my hot tears running down my face. I bit my lip, hard. I couldn't look at Jack for several minutes, so I just stared at the wall. I felt myself taking the pillowcase and twisting it tightly into a knot, over and over again.
Then, I finally exhaled my breath after what seemed like hours.
"Okay. Bring that doctor over."
I wasn't wanting company. I wanted to be alone. Yet, I stopped hearing voices downstairs, and I wondered if I was alone. And, I suddenly wanted Nick to be right there next to me, by my side.
God, this was frustrating. I wanted, so badly, for that beautiful blue-eyed man to come and lay in the bed with me, and stroke my body and hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright. I wanted to cry on his shoulder until my tears could come no more, and cling to him like I have never clung to anybody before. I wanted him to be my person, my rock, the person that I could always depend upon to love me and give me the strength and stability that I desperately needed at that time.
I mean, I was literally ready to kill myself on that island. I had a plan. I was going to go through with that plan. To say that I needed somebody there to help me overcome the immense pain that was brought on me by that evil Mr. Lucas was an understatement.
Yet, Nick couldn't be that one. No way. No way. How could I possibly allow somebody who betrayed me so fundamentally be that one?
So, I felt like screaming, I was so frustrated. I was so angry at what had happened to me. Angry at Mr. Lucas and furious at Nick. And, just like that, I stopped wallowing in my pity and started to feel like I was going to get out of that bed, by hook or by crook, and get down there and pummel Nick with my fists. Tell him how rageful I felt toward him, and how I never wanted to see him, ever again. That he better let me leave, or I would call the police. Or something.
Then, I calmed down, and started to think about the good times again. And I felt, once again, the love that I had for him. The protection that I felt coming from him. The feeling that I wanted to spend eternity with him.
I was so messed up at that point. I didn't know which emotion to trust. All that I knew was that I was feeling every emotion to the nth degree, and I was like an exposed nerve. Everything bothered me. The love I felt was just as strong as the anger and the hatred. So, I was confused, to say the least.
At some point, Jack came back upstairs. "Madam," he said, in his best maître d' voice. "Mr. O'Hara would like to know what you would like to eat. On the menu we are featuring roast duck with baby carrots and asparagus with Hollandaise sauce. A baked potato will round out the meal." And then he shrugged. "Or, you can just have pizza," he said in his normal voice. "Nick ordered one and it will be here in a half hour."
In spite of myself, I smiled and then laughed. "Come here, you," I said, motioning him to the bed.
He sashayed over to the bed, and crawled in next to me. "So, little Scotty," he said, putting my head on his shoulder. "Are you ready to listen to me finally?"
"No," I said. "There's nothing that you can say that will change my mind about Nick. He has to not be in my life. Period."
Jack sighed. "Well, then, how about another subject. This is going to be touchy, but, it needs to be said. You need to go to the hospital."
"NO! And if you think for two seconds that I will ever, and I mean ever, step foot in another hospital again, you have another thing coming, sister."
"Scotty. I love you. I want what's best for you. But, come on now. You need to have certain tests done. Nick wants to nail Mr. Lucas, but the only way that we can is if you go to the hospital and get, you know, a rape kit done." When he said the words "rape kit," he said them so softly that I could barely hear them.
But that didn't matter. I already knew what he was getting at. And I wanted nothing to do with it. Zero.
"Nope. Sorry. Not doing it. I'm not going to let that hospital put a metal thing in my you know what. I've been traumatized enough, thank you very much."
"Well, then, hang on," he said. "I'll be right back."
"I'll be here," I said sarcastically. "Where am I going to go?"
"True that," he said with a wink.
He left, and I laid there, staring at the ceiling. I had a feeling that there would be something brewing, something that I didn't like.
He came back, and my instinct was correct.
"Ok," he said. "So, you don't want to go to the hospital. That's okay. Nick said that he knows a doctor who makes house calls and-"
"NO. No means no. I don't want anybody near me with any kind of metal anything. Now, leave this room if you can't comprehend what I want."
"It's for your own good," he said.
"Jack, I swear to god, if that doctor comes near this bed, I will scream so loud that people in New Jersey can hear me. New Jersey, nothing. People in Florida will be able to hear me."
"Scotty. Now listen to me," Jack said in a tone of voice that I had never before heard from him. For once, his voice wasn't playful. It was commanding and intense.
I got quiet. "Okay, Jack, I'm listening."
He took a deep breath. "Good. Now. That man is a predator. He has haunted you your entire life, and now he has attempted to destroy you again."
"Tell me something new, or I'll stop listening."
"Quiet," he commanded. "Now, if you don't allow this doctor to examine you, then you will have made the most selfish decision that you could possibly make."
"Selfish? What do you mean?"
"Scotty. Do you think that you're the only one that he has preyed upon? And do you think that there is not going to be another girl whose life will be ruined by him if he continues to walk free?"
I blinked back my tears and shook my head silently.
He continued. "There's going to be another little girl who's going to be scared to death of her own shadow and going through life the way that you have, just because that man will have done something to her that you could have prevented. You can prevent that from happening. But you have to let that doctor examine you. Only then can you finally have the evidence to hang that bastard."
I inhaled my breath and held it. I could feel my hot tears running down my face. I bit my lip, hard. I couldn't look at Jack for several minutes, so I just stared at the wall. I felt myself taking the pillowcase and twisting it tightly into a knot, over and over again.
Then, I finally exhaled my breath after what seemed like hours.
"Okay. Bring that doctor over."
Re: Saving Scotty by Annie Jocoby - Romance Novel
Jack went down to tell Nick to bring the doctor, and I laid in the bed, scared to death. The last thing that I wanted was for somebody to touch me down there, let alone with a metal speculum. I could think of nothing more intrusive than what I was about to be subjected to.
In a half hour, the doctor arrived. A woman. Thank god.
"Hello," she said. "My name is Dr. Woods." She was dark-headed and pretty, and wore very little makeup. She took my hand. "I'm very sorry for what happened to you. You're very brave for doing this," she said.
"Okay. Just get this over with and be on your way. No offense."
"None taken," she said. And then she explained that she would be examining me, which would include taking pictures of my bruises, swabbing my mouth, taking a complete medical history and also that she would have to do a vaginal exam.
"I know," I said. "I've watched Law and Order SVU." I was trying to make a joke, and she did smile politely at the reference.
So, for the next hour or so, I felt like I was violated all over again. Pictures were taken. Samples were given. A metal speculum went into the area that was savagely torn apart by that evil man.
I couldn't wait for it to be over.
Finally, it was.
"Thank you again," Dr. Woods said. "You're - "
"Very brave. I know," I said.
She nodded and started to leave with her little box full of evidence.
"Uh, Dr. Woods?" I said, before she left.
"Yes?"
"On your way out, if you see Jack, could you ask him to come up here please?"
"I certainly will," she said.
And Jack came up about five minutes after she left.
I spread my arms, and he came and sat on the bed.
And I cried on his shoulder for what seemed like hours.
And probably actually was hours.
∞
I finally quit crying. Jack was sitting there, stroking my hair and back silently, the entire time.
"Uh, Jack," I finally said.
"Yes, love?"
"I'm finally ready to listen."
"Thank god," he said.
"What were you going to tell me?"
"Okay," he began while repositioning himself on the bed. "Nick and Portia did not have sex. He would never, ever do something like that to you."
"I know what I saw."
"What you saw was a drugged man and a Fatal Attraction bitch who was doing everything but boil a bunny to get back at Nick for rejecting her. And that's the truth."
"Come again. Start over."
"Okay. Here's what Nick told me, and I believe him 150%. He went to Portia's office to discuss you. He knew that Portia has had it in for you, and that she wasn't going to stop harassing you until she got you to quit. So, Nick was trying to smooth her over so that she might get off the warpath against you."
"Okay. Sounds reasonable so far. Go ahead."
"Well, you and he were hot and heavy, as I'm sure you know. I mean, you were there, right?"
"Yes, of course," I said. "Go on."
"He knew that it was a matter of time before the firm knew about the two of you, and he was concerned on how Portia was going to take the news." He sighed. "Why he thought that he could reason with a crazy person is beyond me, but that's a straight boy for ya. Anyhoo….Nick went to Portia's office to talk with her and try to flatter her and encourage her to find her own man to stalk, I mean date."
"Okay. Continue."
"They had some scotch. She distracted him briefly, and he took a sip and immediately felt like he was about to pass out. He actually did pass out, and he came to in his loft with a headache that he described as a 42 on a scale of 1 to 10. He had no knowledge of anything that had happened."
I had a feeling that was both sinking and elated at the same time. Sinking because I felt like a fool to just assume that Portia wasn't up to some dirty tricks. I should have been smarter than that. And sinking because I had given Nick such a hard time, and he didn't deserve that at all. At all at all.
But my feeling was also elated. If this story checks out, Nick was in the clear. I loved him more than I ever thought that I could love anybody, and I could be with him without anger or mistrust. That was huge.
I took a deep breath. "So, how does he know exactly what happened?"
"Ryan told him on the plane about how pissed he was at Nick for Nick doing that to you. And Nick was like 'huh? Whatyou talking about Willis?'" Jack shrugged. "And he put two and two together and came up with four, and he figured it all out. Smart guy, huh?"
"Smart guy."
"So. Can lover boy please come up here and take my shift? I got pizza downstairs a-calling my name. There's several slices with your name on it, too, by the way."
"Of course," I said. "Have him come up."
"Thank god," he said. "Well, toodles. You know I won't be far."
"I know."
A few minutes later, Nick was in the bedroom. He was bearing several slices of pizza on a tray. Also on the tray was a perfect red rose in a vase, a glass of orange juice and a tiny teddy bear that said "be mine" on his tiny little t-shirt.
He smiled as he approached the bed. "I brought you something to eat," he said. "God knows you need it more than ever now."
He sat down on the bed, and picked up the pizza and brought it to my mouth. I took a bite. A bite of pure heaven. It was from my all-time favorite pizza place, because this place used the absolute best cheese and lots of it.
I loved him right at that moment, more, perhaps, then I had ever loved him. Not just because he got me pizza from my all-time favorite place, although that certainly was a factor, but also because he was just…Nick. He hadn't changed on me after all. I thought that he had changed his mind about me and about us, but he hadn't really, and I loved him with all my heart.
He put his arm around me, and bit into his own piece of pizza. "How is it?" he asked.
"Heavenly. This is the first bit of food that I have had since, well, since I left New York in the first place."
His eyes darkened. "Why is that? Was that monster starving you?"
"Well, no. I mean, he brought me things to eat, but I simply wasn't hungry. I felt nauseated just being near him, so I refused to eat. To tell you the truth, I was a little bit afraid to eat."
"Afraid to eat. What do you mean?"
"Well, in my condition, I can't get to the bathroom very well, of course. I depended upon Mr. Lucas to get me in and out of the bathroom. He deliberately kept my wheelchair at a place where I couldn't reach it, and he didn't give me crutches. So, I was helpless in that way. I felt that if I ate that I would throw up, because I was just so stressed and anxious being there. And I felt that if I had to throw up in the bed that he would severely punish me. That was why I was afraid to eat."
Nick took a deep breath. "I'm very glad to give you food, Scotty. Sorry it's only pizza. I'm going to attempt to cook again this evening, but I have to send Jack to the store for some things."
"No, that's okay. You don't have to go all out for me."
"Of course I do. And making sure that you're well fed is not exactly going all out. It's just giving you a basic necessity."
"Well, I guess what I'm saying is, I appreciate you cooking for me. I really do. But I'd like to help. I'm not an invalid just yet."
"No, no, I wasn't thinking that. I just feel the need to take care of you, that's all."
I looked into his eyes. "I love that you want to take care of me. That means the world to me." Then I took an enormous breath. "But I feel that I owe you such a major apology."
Nick bowed his head slightly and looked at me with those blue, blue eyes of his. "Apology for what?"
"Well, you know what it is that I saw in Portia's office."
"Yes, I know."
"My apology is that I didn't think things through. I automatically assumed that you were in there having sex with her, and I never should have thought that. I mean, after what we have gone through, just trying to get together, and after all of your reassurances to me that I'm special, I should have immediately thought that Portia was up to no good. Not that you were."
Nick put his hand in my hair, and looked me right in the eye. "Scotty. I understand why you would think that about me. You haven't known me long enough to know when I'm dead serious about something. And you don't know me well enough to know that when I say that I'm not going to cheat, it means just that. I don't try to snow women and tell them that they're the only one, when they're not. I never have been that guy. But I'm telling you, right here and now, that I will never, ever cheat on you. You're the only one. I don't say that to anybody, but I'm saying that to you."
I nodded my head. "I believe you."
"Thank god," he said with a smile. "I knew you would come around, sooner or later."
I smiled back. "Yeah. And, as you can see, I can't very well run away from you even if I didn't come around."
At first he didn't smile, because he wasn't quite sure if he should. But I smiled big to show that the topic of my broken leg was something that I could joke about, so he chuckled a little, and then laughed with me. "Truer words were never spoken."
And then I got more serious. "Nick, uh, I've been through a lot these past few days. But I feel that I can and will survive what happened to me with Mr. Lucas on that island. I mean, I lived for two years with that happening to me every night. I've gone through my rage and grief about it already. I'm ready to move on and move past that."
"Okay. How can I help you do that?"
"Well, I've had some time to think. That doctor who came over here did a lot of very intrusive things. Asked some very difficult questions. Violated me a second time, almost. I mean, I know that it was something that had to be done, but it didn't make any of it any easier."
Nick nodded his head, and gently put my head on his shoulder while he stroked my hair. "Go on, my love."
"What I'm getting at is that I went through that whole examination, and the humiliation of doing that, so I don't want that to go for naught. I want to nail Mr. Lucas to the wall."
Nick's face lit up. "Oh, thank god. I mean, I know that has to be done, but I was afraid that I was going to have to talk you into it. Jack seemed to think that you probably would be very reticent to do something like that."
"I was, at first. At first. I mean, when I was a little girl, and I was in the clutches of that pervert in the first place, I was afraid for the longest time. He threatened me, a lot. He told me that he would kill my mother if I told anybody. I believed him. Which is why I went on letting it happen, instead of telling people earlier."
Nick looked shocked and stunned. "What made you finally decide to tell people?"
"I thought about things logically. I figured that Mr. Lucas was really a coward, which was why he was raping me in the first place - I was small and vulnerable, so him being with me showed how cowardly he was. You know, if he were not a coward, he would have chosen somebody who wasn't such an easy target. I also knew that his social standing meant more to him than anything else in the world. I figured that he would never do something like kill somebody else, if for no other reason than the fact that he would be a social pariah for doing something like that."
Nick smiled a little bit. "You can't fault that logic, really."
"So, I told people and they all told me that I was nuts. To a person. And I went through so much mental torment because of what he did, and because I was so angry that nobody would believe me. And now, well, I have a chance to rectify all of that. By turning him in. Making him do the perp walk." I smiled. "Wouldn't that be great if they arrested his ass at his office? I should alert the media if I found out when the arrest will be. That would be such just desserts for him."
"It certainly would be," Nick said. "But we have to wait until he comes back to New York. I'm been in touch with my father, who's a prominent attorney himself, and he pretty much told me that extradition from St. Croix might be tricky. Not impossible, but tricky. So, I've been making phone calls to his work, to find out when Mr. Lucas is expected in."
My ears perked up. "And? What did you find out?"
"He's not expected back for the rest of this week. But he has some clients coming in to meet with him on Monday, so…"
"Monday it is," I said.
"Monday it is," Nick said.
I rubbed my hands together with glee. "Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait to see that bastard's face on the evening news, as he's being led away from his building in handcuffs."
And then I put my hand on his leg and stroked it. "Thank, you Nick. Thank you for coming to get me. You saved my life. Literally. I, I, I don't know what I would do without you. Honestly."
Nick got a little closer to me. He stroked my cheek and looked at me longingly. "Of course, I came for you. How could I not? I would have done anything to ensure that you were safe. I just wish that I could have found you sooner."
I blinked a little and put my hand on his upper arm. "You found me soon enough. God, to think, though, what would have happened if you were there even a few minutes later." I shuddered. "I would have been married to that, that, that, thing. That evil incarnate."
Nick looked at me quizzically. "About that. I don't quite understand why that was about to happen. Why would you have agreed to that?"
I felt ashamed, so I lowered my head. I took a deep breath to stop the tears from coming, but I felt the salt from them anyhow on my tongue. I couldn't look at him right at that moment.
"Scotty," Nick said. "You can tell me. You can talk to me about anything. Just tell me what you were thinking."
"You're going to be angry."
"Why? Whatever reason you had for doing that, I'm quite sure that it made sense to you at the time. Was he threatening you? Did he have you brainwashed? Please, help me to understand."
I took a deep breath. I looked into his eyes, and I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him that I had a plan to commit suicide and make it look like an accident. I couldn't tell him that Mr. Lucas had agreed to take care of my mother in return for my marrying him. I couldn't tell him any of this. I was too ashamed. Too ashamed to admit to him how badly I wanted to die. How hopeless I felt. I didn't want Nick to think that I was that weak, and that I would have given up so quickly.
I was ready to give up quickly, though. I was. I guess because I felt that I didn't have a way out of that situation. And the memories of going through years and years with Mr. Lucas raping me…I felt that was going to once again be my lot. Which was why I wanted to nip it in the bud.
But could Nick understand that? Could he? Or would he just hate me for the fact that I came within one day of committing suicide? That, if Nick would have gotten to that island just 24 hours later, I would have already went through with my plan?
I thought that he might understand. But I really didn't want to admit this to him. It would be admitting such frailty to him. And, somehow, he might interpret it to mean that he didn't mean anything to me. Because that was what I always thought about people who committed suicide - that the people in their lives didn't mean anything to them. Suicide was just such a selfish act, with no regard for the survivors.
I never wanted him to think or believe that I felt that way about him - that I would do something like that without regards to him or his feelings. I wanted him to always know how important he was to me.
So, I made a decision. To lie about why I was going to marry Mr. Lucas. "Yes, Nick, he threatened me. He told me that if I didn't marry him, that he would continue to rape me. But if I married him, he said that he would leave me alone. He promised me this."
"And you believed him." Nick was incredulous. This was said as a statement, but it was really a question. An are you fucking crazy? question.
"Well, Nick, I was desperate enough to believe anything at that time. I'm so sorry. I don't want you to hate me for that. I was just trying to survive."
Nick gave me a look that showed me that, far from hating me, he was totally in love with me. I knew that look anywhere. That look always made me melt. "Scotty. Why would you ever think that I would hate you for anything? If you only knew how nuts I am about you…"
At that, I put my hand on his leg again. "Nick, uh. I've been through a lot of trauma lately. But that doesn't mean that I don't want you to make love to me. In fact, I think that I need that. I think that I need that to wash away the dirtiness and the shame of what happened to me at Mr. Lucas' home. I need something to erase that."
Nick looked like he wasn't quite sure if making love was the right thing at that time. "Oh, Scotty, I would love to make love to you. I have never wanted anything so much in my entire life. But, after you have gone through…"
I put my finger on his lip to silence him. And then I kissed him. At first, he was tentative, but then I felt his soft lips slowly engulfing mine. I felt the stress and depression that came from being held captive at Mr. Lucas' home melt away with every passing moment. He was such an amazing kisser - so full of passion, yet gentle and tender.
He pulled away slightly. "Um, let me put extend the glass barrier between the bedroom and the downstairs. Don't forget, we have company."
At that, he flipped a button, and a glass wall came down off of the ceiling and securely fastened itself on the floor. He flipped another button, and a wall of curtains engulfed the barrier. "There," he said. "Now we can have a little bit of privacy."
Then he got back on the bed. He kissed my neck a little, and put his hand on my belly. "I'm so happy that you're here, Scotty. I couldn't rest until I knew that you were safe and sound. There aren't words to express how anxious I was when you were missing."
"I know, Nick," I said. I put my hand on his thigh, and then onto his crotch. I could feel his enormous hard-on through his loose trousers. "I'm sorry to have put you through all of that."
"Don't be ridiculous. You couldn't help what happened to you."
I felt my breathing coming faster and faster. I unzipped his pants, and put my hand on his raging manhood. I stroked it up and down, up and down, in his boxer-briefs. He groaned a little.
"Scotty," he said. "This is going to be a little bit challenging right now because of your injury."
"I know," I said. "So, be gentle."
I maneuvered myself so that I was on my side. Since my leg was immobilized, this was difficult to do, but not impossible. I was wearing a loose fitting t-shirt dress, so I lifted it off over my head and laid back down.
Nick was behind me, stroking my back. He kissed the back of my neck, and his hands reached around me from behind. He was still fully clothed, but I could still feel his massive hard-on that was pitching a tent through his pants. He cupped my breasts, and I could feel his hands making their way through my hair.
His scent was something that I was craving. It was something that I thought about all of the time when I was laying in bed at Mr. Lucas' house. It was not just his scent, but everything about him. The way that his hands were so gentle as they stroked my body. The way that he would whisper in my ear, in his throaty voice full of passion, what he wanted to do to me. It was the words that he would say in that throaty voice. It was the way that his skin tasted on my mouth. Everything about him, the very essence of what made him Nick, was what I missed.
Most of all, I missed the way that he made me feel. That was why it was so devastating to me being away from him. Why it was so very devastating and hurtful to see him and that horrible Portia together. If there was one thing that emanated from him, right from the very beginning, really, was that he was in love with me. That I was somebody special. To think that I wasn't special anymore was something that I really couldn't live with.
It dawned on me that perhaps that was the main reason why I wanted to kill myself - seeing Nick and Portia together, and realizing that we would be through. I thought that the reason why I wanted to kill myself was that I felt hopeless in the situation with Mr. Lucas, and that was certainly a major part of it. The psychic pain that was inflicted upon me by that horrible man was immense, for sure.
But, at the same time, seeing Nick and Portia together…that, too, made me want to check out. I hated to admit that, even to myself, because it made me feel so weak and vulnerable. I mean, there was always a good chance that Nick and I might not work out at all. Something might happen and we might end up breaking up. Would that mean that I would automatically want to do myself in? I didn't want to even think about that. I was better than that. My life was such that it didn't revolve around a man, and that was how it really should be. Nick should be a nice bonus, not my raison d'etre. Yet, if I wanted to kill myself mainly because Nick betrayed me…that was a scary thought, indeed.
Now, Nick was behind me, and was leaning into me. His manhood was out of his pants, and he was right at my opening. I could feel the wetness between my legs. The wetness that was completely his. I was completely his. 150% his, as Jack would say.
My breathing was coming faster and faster. But my thoughts were not completely positive right at that moment. Nick had pierced all of my walls, and, in the process, he had brought them completely down. Those walls protected me my entire life. My entire life. The walls were what helped me survive my mother, Mr. Lucas, and the stay in the car. They were what helped me to persevere through every odd and get into Columbia for my master's. And now, I was so vulnerable that I was in danger of killing myself just because of a betrayal. That wasn't like me.
Nick was whispering in my ear. "You're a part of me, sweet Scotty. I would do anything for you. I would do anything to keep you safe. I would go to the ends of the earth if that was what it takes to protect you."
Those words made me so happy and so worried at the same time. What if he wasn't around to save me next time? What then? What if I become complacent and weak, and I can't save myself? It was bad enough feeling helpless on the island with Mr. Lucas. At least there was a reason for my helplessness then - I had a broken leg. But what would happen the next time something threatened me? I had to rely on myself. I couldn't just let Nick do all the heavy lifting, while I just waited around like a damsel in the tower.
Yet, I was also indescribably happy about hearing this from him. Because it showed just how much he loved me. There was no better way for a man to show his love than protecting the woman he loves, when she needed it. And that was what Nick was doing for me.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that it was difficult to be in the moment. It was difficult to concentrate on the magical things that Nick was doing to my body. The fear that held me back early on in our relationship was, somehow, rearing its ugly head again. I had to tamp it down, because I so wanted Nick to make love to me. It would make me feel that life had gone back to normal again. That was so what I needed. Normalcy. I had to not think about what just happened to me. What was going to be in the future, as I would have to be strong enough to take Mr. Lucas down, once and for all. Strong enough to go to work and see Portia's evil face every day. Nick would be by my side, but he couldn't fight my battles for me. I had to do that.
His strong hands left my breasts, and started stroking my waist. His fingers made their way down to my special place, the place that was reserved especially for him. He was still the only person, in my mind, who was entitled to that part of me. He would be the only person, ever, who would have that part of me. No matter who took it from me against my will, Nick would be the only one who would truly have it. Just him.
I finally got out of my head and concentrated on what he was doing to me. On how he was making me feel. He was such an attentive lover. Such a giving person in bed.
I could still feel his massive hard-on pressed against me, just outside my opening. I nodded my head slowly. I wanted him to enter me so badly.
But he didn't right away. He put a finger inside of me, with his other fingers gently massaging my clit. I moaned and reached behind me to stroke his huge shaft. I reached down to my own throbbing opening to get some wetness on my hand, so that I could stroke him more smoothly.
I could feel his manhood pulsating in my hand. His hands were moving from my clit and opening, and was on my butt and exploring inside that part of my body. His fingers were wet from being inside of me, so he was able to easily slip his fingers into the other area. One of his fingers was swirling around inside of me, and his other hand was gently stroking my breasts and circling around my nipples.
I was getting impatient. I wanted him inside of me so badly it hurt. I could feel my clit throbbing, and the blood was rushing to that area. Sometimes Nick made me feel that I could literally pass out, and this was one of those times. My heavy breathing, combined with the touch that made me feel that I was not of this world, combined to make me feel that I was floating in mi-air. I felt soft, like I had no bones and that I was completely flexible.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, he finally put the tip of his engorged manhood just inside of me. I felt my vaginal area expanding in order to accommodate his enormous girth. I groaned as I felt him enter me even further. As he thrust all the way in, I felt the familiar feeling of an exploding orgasm that shook my entire body to its core.
"Don't stop, please don't stop," I said, as he thrust in and out, slowly and rhythmically. "That feels so amazing." And it did. With every thrust, every kiss, every caress, Mr. Lucas was fading farther and farther into my psyche. It was as if those three days that I suffered at his hands didn't even happen. Nothing bad had ever happened to me. Right at that moment, the only thing that I could think about was how awesome it felt to have Nick's warm skin next to me. To have Nick inside of me.
As orgasm after orgasm cascaded out of my body, I felt like I could touch heaven. Just a slice of it, anyhow. Such a contrast to being in hell, which was where I had just come from.
Then, to my surprise, I felt myself crying. I wasn't sure why. I think that it was the emotion of the moment, combined with the horrible memories that were brewing just below the surface. It felt like I was a raw nerve that was touched in many different ways, both positive and negative, and it was impossible to tell which of those emotions was paramount.
Nick immediately stopped what he was doing. He gently got on the other side of me, so that he was facing me. He brushed my hair out of my eyes and kissed my forehead gently. "What's wrong?" he asked, a look of concern on his beautiful face. "Talk to me, Scotty. What's going through your mind right now?"
I sighed. "I don't know," I said, as I took deep breaths in and out. I tried very hard to stem my tears, but it was no use. They cascaded down my face faster than I could possibly control them. "I don't know," I repeated, shaking my head. And I really didn't know. I didn't know where those tears came from. I didn't even know if they were happy tears or sad ones. They were probably a mixture of both, just as my emotions in these past few days were always a mixture of profound happiness and even more profound sadness.
Nick threw both of his arms around me, and put his hand in my hair. "That's okay, Scotty. Just feel what you need to feel. Don't judge it. Just feel it. I'm right here. I'll always be right here. I love you, Scotty. I love you."
Now I was really sobbing hard. I couldn't stop it. It got to the point where I was feeling like I couldn't breathe. Like I was asthmatic and had my airways completely constricted. That made me start to feel panicky, as I tried, and failed, to take a breath.
Nick's eyes got huge, and he shot up out of the bed and came back in a flash with an inhaler in his hand. "Here," he said. "Put your mouth on this and suck in hard." I did, as Nick pushed the top of the inhaler. As he did, I felt my lungs fill with air, and this was such a profound relief that I felt my body go limp. I was still sobbing, to the point that I didn't think that I would ever stop, but at least I was able to take breaths.
Nick just sat there, not saying a word. He, however, was continually stroking my hair and back comfortingly. There were no words that could be said at that point. Nothing that was said would have made any difference. I simply had to feel my emotions, and there was just no getting around it. It made me scared to know the depths of darkness and despair was lurking just below the surface. Somehow, making love with Nick had accessed these dark feelings. I guessed that he let the dam loose just by bringing down my shield that was protecting me. His lovemaking is what penetrated this armour, and there was no turning back.
From time to time I had to get some more puffs from the inhaler. Other than that, however, I pretty much sobbed non-stop for the rest of the night. Poor Nick didn't really know what to do, so he just silently let me feel my emotions for the rest of the night.
In a half hour, the doctor arrived. A woman. Thank god.
"Hello," she said. "My name is Dr. Woods." She was dark-headed and pretty, and wore very little makeup. She took my hand. "I'm very sorry for what happened to you. You're very brave for doing this," she said.
"Okay. Just get this over with and be on your way. No offense."
"None taken," she said. And then she explained that she would be examining me, which would include taking pictures of my bruises, swabbing my mouth, taking a complete medical history and also that she would have to do a vaginal exam.
"I know," I said. "I've watched Law and Order SVU." I was trying to make a joke, and she did smile politely at the reference.
So, for the next hour or so, I felt like I was violated all over again. Pictures were taken. Samples were given. A metal speculum went into the area that was savagely torn apart by that evil man.
I couldn't wait for it to be over.
Finally, it was.
"Thank you again," Dr. Woods said. "You're - "
"Very brave. I know," I said.
She nodded and started to leave with her little box full of evidence.
"Uh, Dr. Woods?" I said, before she left.
"Yes?"
"On your way out, if you see Jack, could you ask him to come up here please?"
"I certainly will," she said.
And Jack came up about five minutes after she left.
I spread my arms, and he came and sat on the bed.
And I cried on his shoulder for what seemed like hours.
And probably actually was hours.
∞
I finally quit crying. Jack was sitting there, stroking my hair and back silently, the entire time.
"Uh, Jack," I finally said.
"Yes, love?"
"I'm finally ready to listen."
"Thank god," he said.
"What were you going to tell me?"
"Okay," he began while repositioning himself on the bed. "Nick and Portia did not have sex. He would never, ever do something like that to you."
"I know what I saw."
"What you saw was a drugged man and a Fatal Attraction bitch who was doing everything but boil a bunny to get back at Nick for rejecting her. And that's the truth."
"Come again. Start over."
"Okay. Here's what Nick told me, and I believe him 150%. He went to Portia's office to discuss you. He knew that Portia has had it in for you, and that she wasn't going to stop harassing you until she got you to quit. So, Nick was trying to smooth her over so that she might get off the warpath against you."
"Okay. Sounds reasonable so far. Go ahead."
"Well, you and he were hot and heavy, as I'm sure you know. I mean, you were there, right?"
"Yes, of course," I said. "Go on."
"He knew that it was a matter of time before the firm knew about the two of you, and he was concerned on how Portia was going to take the news." He sighed. "Why he thought that he could reason with a crazy person is beyond me, but that's a straight boy for ya. Anyhoo….Nick went to Portia's office to talk with her and try to flatter her and encourage her to find her own man to stalk, I mean date."
"Okay. Continue."
"They had some scotch. She distracted him briefly, and he took a sip and immediately felt like he was about to pass out. He actually did pass out, and he came to in his loft with a headache that he described as a 42 on a scale of 1 to 10. He had no knowledge of anything that had happened."
I had a feeling that was both sinking and elated at the same time. Sinking because I felt like a fool to just assume that Portia wasn't up to some dirty tricks. I should have been smarter than that. And sinking because I had given Nick such a hard time, and he didn't deserve that at all. At all at all.
But my feeling was also elated. If this story checks out, Nick was in the clear. I loved him more than I ever thought that I could love anybody, and I could be with him without anger or mistrust. That was huge.
I took a deep breath. "So, how does he know exactly what happened?"
"Ryan told him on the plane about how pissed he was at Nick for Nick doing that to you. And Nick was like 'huh? Whatyou talking about Willis?'" Jack shrugged. "And he put two and two together and came up with four, and he figured it all out. Smart guy, huh?"
"Smart guy."
"So. Can lover boy please come up here and take my shift? I got pizza downstairs a-calling my name. There's several slices with your name on it, too, by the way."
"Of course," I said. "Have him come up."
"Thank god," he said. "Well, toodles. You know I won't be far."
"I know."
A few minutes later, Nick was in the bedroom. He was bearing several slices of pizza on a tray. Also on the tray was a perfect red rose in a vase, a glass of orange juice and a tiny teddy bear that said "be mine" on his tiny little t-shirt.
He smiled as he approached the bed. "I brought you something to eat," he said. "God knows you need it more than ever now."
He sat down on the bed, and picked up the pizza and brought it to my mouth. I took a bite. A bite of pure heaven. It was from my all-time favorite pizza place, because this place used the absolute best cheese and lots of it.
I loved him right at that moment, more, perhaps, then I had ever loved him. Not just because he got me pizza from my all-time favorite place, although that certainly was a factor, but also because he was just…Nick. He hadn't changed on me after all. I thought that he had changed his mind about me and about us, but he hadn't really, and I loved him with all my heart.
He put his arm around me, and bit into his own piece of pizza. "How is it?" he asked.
"Heavenly. This is the first bit of food that I have had since, well, since I left New York in the first place."
His eyes darkened. "Why is that? Was that monster starving you?"
"Well, no. I mean, he brought me things to eat, but I simply wasn't hungry. I felt nauseated just being near him, so I refused to eat. To tell you the truth, I was a little bit afraid to eat."
"Afraid to eat. What do you mean?"
"Well, in my condition, I can't get to the bathroom very well, of course. I depended upon Mr. Lucas to get me in and out of the bathroom. He deliberately kept my wheelchair at a place where I couldn't reach it, and he didn't give me crutches. So, I was helpless in that way. I felt that if I ate that I would throw up, because I was just so stressed and anxious being there. And I felt that if I had to throw up in the bed that he would severely punish me. That was why I was afraid to eat."
Nick took a deep breath. "I'm very glad to give you food, Scotty. Sorry it's only pizza. I'm going to attempt to cook again this evening, but I have to send Jack to the store for some things."
"No, that's okay. You don't have to go all out for me."
"Of course I do. And making sure that you're well fed is not exactly going all out. It's just giving you a basic necessity."
"Well, I guess what I'm saying is, I appreciate you cooking for me. I really do. But I'd like to help. I'm not an invalid just yet."
"No, no, I wasn't thinking that. I just feel the need to take care of you, that's all."
I looked into his eyes. "I love that you want to take care of me. That means the world to me." Then I took an enormous breath. "But I feel that I owe you such a major apology."
Nick bowed his head slightly and looked at me with those blue, blue eyes of his. "Apology for what?"
"Well, you know what it is that I saw in Portia's office."
"Yes, I know."
"My apology is that I didn't think things through. I automatically assumed that you were in there having sex with her, and I never should have thought that. I mean, after what we have gone through, just trying to get together, and after all of your reassurances to me that I'm special, I should have immediately thought that Portia was up to no good. Not that you were."
Nick put his hand in my hair, and looked me right in the eye. "Scotty. I understand why you would think that about me. You haven't known me long enough to know when I'm dead serious about something. And you don't know me well enough to know that when I say that I'm not going to cheat, it means just that. I don't try to snow women and tell them that they're the only one, when they're not. I never have been that guy. But I'm telling you, right here and now, that I will never, ever cheat on you. You're the only one. I don't say that to anybody, but I'm saying that to you."
I nodded my head. "I believe you."
"Thank god," he said with a smile. "I knew you would come around, sooner or later."
I smiled back. "Yeah. And, as you can see, I can't very well run away from you even if I didn't come around."
At first he didn't smile, because he wasn't quite sure if he should. But I smiled big to show that the topic of my broken leg was something that I could joke about, so he chuckled a little, and then laughed with me. "Truer words were never spoken."
And then I got more serious. "Nick, uh, I've been through a lot these past few days. But I feel that I can and will survive what happened to me with Mr. Lucas on that island. I mean, I lived for two years with that happening to me every night. I've gone through my rage and grief about it already. I'm ready to move on and move past that."
"Okay. How can I help you do that?"
"Well, I've had some time to think. That doctor who came over here did a lot of very intrusive things. Asked some very difficult questions. Violated me a second time, almost. I mean, I know that it was something that had to be done, but it didn't make any of it any easier."
Nick nodded his head, and gently put my head on his shoulder while he stroked my hair. "Go on, my love."
"What I'm getting at is that I went through that whole examination, and the humiliation of doing that, so I don't want that to go for naught. I want to nail Mr. Lucas to the wall."
Nick's face lit up. "Oh, thank god. I mean, I know that has to be done, but I was afraid that I was going to have to talk you into it. Jack seemed to think that you probably would be very reticent to do something like that."
"I was, at first. At first. I mean, when I was a little girl, and I was in the clutches of that pervert in the first place, I was afraid for the longest time. He threatened me, a lot. He told me that he would kill my mother if I told anybody. I believed him. Which is why I went on letting it happen, instead of telling people earlier."
Nick looked shocked and stunned. "What made you finally decide to tell people?"
"I thought about things logically. I figured that Mr. Lucas was really a coward, which was why he was raping me in the first place - I was small and vulnerable, so him being with me showed how cowardly he was. You know, if he were not a coward, he would have chosen somebody who wasn't such an easy target. I also knew that his social standing meant more to him than anything else in the world. I figured that he would never do something like kill somebody else, if for no other reason than the fact that he would be a social pariah for doing something like that."
Nick smiled a little bit. "You can't fault that logic, really."
"So, I told people and they all told me that I was nuts. To a person. And I went through so much mental torment because of what he did, and because I was so angry that nobody would believe me. And now, well, I have a chance to rectify all of that. By turning him in. Making him do the perp walk." I smiled. "Wouldn't that be great if they arrested his ass at his office? I should alert the media if I found out when the arrest will be. That would be such just desserts for him."
"It certainly would be," Nick said. "But we have to wait until he comes back to New York. I'm been in touch with my father, who's a prominent attorney himself, and he pretty much told me that extradition from St. Croix might be tricky. Not impossible, but tricky. So, I've been making phone calls to his work, to find out when Mr. Lucas is expected in."
My ears perked up. "And? What did you find out?"
"He's not expected back for the rest of this week. But he has some clients coming in to meet with him on Monday, so…"
"Monday it is," I said.
"Monday it is," Nick said.
I rubbed my hands together with glee. "Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait to see that bastard's face on the evening news, as he's being led away from his building in handcuffs."
And then I put my hand on his leg and stroked it. "Thank, you Nick. Thank you for coming to get me. You saved my life. Literally. I, I, I don't know what I would do without you. Honestly."
Nick got a little closer to me. He stroked my cheek and looked at me longingly. "Of course, I came for you. How could I not? I would have done anything to ensure that you were safe. I just wish that I could have found you sooner."
I blinked a little and put my hand on his upper arm. "You found me soon enough. God, to think, though, what would have happened if you were there even a few minutes later." I shuddered. "I would have been married to that, that, that, thing. That evil incarnate."
Nick looked at me quizzically. "About that. I don't quite understand why that was about to happen. Why would you have agreed to that?"
I felt ashamed, so I lowered my head. I took a deep breath to stop the tears from coming, but I felt the salt from them anyhow on my tongue. I couldn't look at him right at that moment.
"Scotty," Nick said. "You can tell me. You can talk to me about anything. Just tell me what you were thinking."
"You're going to be angry."
"Why? Whatever reason you had for doing that, I'm quite sure that it made sense to you at the time. Was he threatening you? Did he have you brainwashed? Please, help me to understand."
I took a deep breath. I looked into his eyes, and I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him that I had a plan to commit suicide and make it look like an accident. I couldn't tell him that Mr. Lucas had agreed to take care of my mother in return for my marrying him. I couldn't tell him any of this. I was too ashamed. Too ashamed to admit to him how badly I wanted to die. How hopeless I felt. I didn't want Nick to think that I was that weak, and that I would have given up so quickly.
I was ready to give up quickly, though. I was. I guess because I felt that I didn't have a way out of that situation. And the memories of going through years and years with Mr. Lucas raping me…I felt that was going to once again be my lot. Which was why I wanted to nip it in the bud.
But could Nick understand that? Could he? Or would he just hate me for the fact that I came within one day of committing suicide? That, if Nick would have gotten to that island just 24 hours later, I would have already went through with my plan?
I thought that he might understand. But I really didn't want to admit this to him. It would be admitting such frailty to him. And, somehow, he might interpret it to mean that he didn't mean anything to me. Because that was what I always thought about people who committed suicide - that the people in their lives didn't mean anything to them. Suicide was just such a selfish act, with no regard for the survivors.
I never wanted him to think or believe that I felt that way about him - that I would do something like that without regards to him or his feelings. I wanted him to always know how important he was to me.
So, I made a decision. To lie about why I was going to marry Mr. Lucas. "Yes, Nick, he threatened me. He told me that if I didn't marry him, that he would continue to rape me. But if I married him, he said that he would leave me alone. He promised me this."
"And you believed him." Nick was incredulous. This was said as a statement, but it was really a question. An are you fucking crazy? question.
"Well, Nick, I was desperate enough to believe anything at that time. I'm so sorry. I don't want you to hate me for that. I was just trying to survive."
Nick gave me a look that showed me that, far from hating me, he was totally in love with me. I knew that look anywhere. That look always made me melt. "Scotty. Why would you ever think that I would hate you for anything? If you only knew how nuts I am about you…"
At that, I put my hand on his leg again. "Nick, uh. I've been through a lot of trauma lately. But that doesn't mean that I don't want you to make love to me. In fact, I think that I need that. I think that I need that to wash away the dirtiness and the shame of what happened to me at Mr. Lucas' home. I need something to erase that."
Nick looked like he wasn't quite sure if making love was the right thing at that time. "Oh, Scotty, I would love to make love to you. I have never wanted anything so much in my entire life. But, after you have gone through…"
I put my finger on his lip to silence him. And then I kissed him. At first, he was tentative, but then I felt his soft lips slowly engulfing mine. I felt the stress and depression that came from being held captive at Mr. Lucas' home melt away with every passing moment. He was such an amazing kisser - so full of passion, yet gentle and tender.
He pulled away slightly. "Um, let me put extend the glass barrier between the bedroom and the downstairs. Don't forget, we have company."
At that, he flipped a button, and a glass wall came down off of the ceiling and securely fastened itself on the floor. He flipped another button, and a wall of curtains engulfed the barrier. "There," he said. "Now we can have a little bit of privacy."
Then he got back on the bed. He kissed my neck a little, and put his hand on my belly. "I'm so happy that you're here, Scotty. I couldn't rest until I knew that you were safe and sound. There aren't words to express how anxious I was when you were missing."
"I know, Nick," I said. I put my hand on his thigh, and then onto his crotch. I could feel his enormous hard-on through his loose trousers. "I'm sorry to have put you through all of that."
"Don't be ridiculous. You couldn't help what happened to you."
I felt my breathing coming faster and faster. I unzipped his pants, and put my hand on his raging manhood. I stroked it up and down, up and down, in his boxer-briefs. He groaned a little.
"Scotty," he said. "This is going to be a little bit challenging right now because of your injury."
"I know," I said. "So, be gentle."
I maneuvered myself so that I was on my side. Since my leg was immobilized, this was difficult to do, but not impossible. I was wearing a loose fitting t-shirt dress, so I lifted it off over my head and laid back down.
Nick was behind me, stroking my back. He kissed the back of my neck, and his hands reached around me from behind. He was still fully clothed, but I could still feel his massive hard-on that was pitching a tent through his pants. He cupped my breasts, and I could feel his hands making their way through my hair.
His scent was something that I was craving. It was something that I thought about all of the time when I was laying in bed at Mr. Lucas' house. It was not just his scent, but everything about him. The way that his hands were so gentle as they stroked my body. The way that he would whisper in my ear, in his throaty voice full of passion, what he wanted to do to me. It was the words that he would say in that throaty voice. It was the way that his skin tasted on my mouth. Everything about him, the very essence of what made him Nick, was what I missed.
Most of all, I missed the way that he made me feel. That was why it was so devastating to me being away from him. Why it was so very devastating and hurtful to see him and that horrible Portia together. If there was one thing that emanated from him, right from the very beginning, really, was that he was in love with me. That I was somebody special. To think that I wasn't special anymore was something that I really couldn't live with.
It dawned on me that perhaps that was the main reason why I wanted to kill myself - seeing Nick and Portia together, and realizing that we would be through. I thought that the reason why I wanted to kill myself was that I felt hopeless in the situation with Mr. Lucas, and that was certainly a major part of it. The psychic pain that was inflicted upon me by that horrible man was immense, for sure.
But, at the same time, seeing Nick and Portia together…that, too, made me want to check out. I hated to admit that, even to myself, because it made me feel so weak and vulnerable. I mean, there was always a good chance that Nick and I might not work out at all. Something might happen and we might end up breaking up. Would that mean that I would automatically want to do myself in? I didn't want to even think about that. I was better than that. My life was such that it didn't revolve around a man, and that was how it really should be. Nick should be a nice bonus, not my raison d'etre. Yet, if I wanted to kill myself mainly because Nick betrayed me…that was a scary thought, indeed.
Now, Nick was behind me, and was leaning into me. His manhood was out of his pants, and he was right at my opening. I could feel the wetness between my legs. The wetness that was completely his. I was completely his. 150% his, as Jack would say.
My breathing was coming faster and faster. But my thoughts were not completely positive right at that moment. Nick had pierced all of my walls, and, in the process, he had brought them completely down. Those walls protected me my entire life. My entire life. The walls were what helped me survive my mother, Mr. Lucas, and the stay in the car. They were what helped me to persevere through every odd and get into Columbia for my master's. And now, I was so vulnerable that I was in danger of killing myself just because of a betrayal. That wasn't like me.
Nick was whispering in my ear. "You're a part of me, sweet Scotty. I would do anything for you. I would do anything to keep you safe. I would go to the ends of the earth if that was what it takes to protect you."
Those words made me so happy and so worried at the same time. What if he wasn't around to save me next time? What then? What if I become complacent and weak, and I can't save myself? It was bad enough feeling helpless on the island with Mr. Lucas. At least there was a reason for my helplessness then - I had a broken leg. But what would happen the next time something threatened me? I had to rely on myself. I couldn't just let Nick do all the heavy lifting, while I just waited around like a damsel in the tower.
Yet, I was also indescribably happy about hearing this from him. Because it showed just how much he loved me. There was no better way for a man to show his love than protecting the woman he loves, when she needed it. And that was what Nick was doing for me.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that it was difficult to be in the moment. It was difficult to concentrate on the magical things that Nick was doing to my body. The fear that held me back early on in our relationship was, somehow, rearing its ugly head again. I had to tamp it down, because I so wanted Nick to make love to me. It would make me feel that life had gone back to normal again. That was so what I needed. Normalcy. I had to not think about what just happened to me. What was going to be in the future, as I would have to be strong enough to take Mr. Lucas down, once and for all. Strong enough to go to work and see Portia's evil face every day. Nick would be by my side, but he couldn't fight my battles for me. I had to do that.
His strong hands left my breasts, and started stroking my waist. His fingers made their way down to my special place, the place that was reserved especially for him. He was still the only person, in my mind, who was entitled to that part of me. He would be the only person, ever, who would have that part of me. No matter who took it from me against my will, Nick would be the only one who would truly have it. Just him.
I finally got out of my head and concentrated on what he was doing to me. On how he was making me feel. He was such an attentive lover. Such a giving person in bed.
I could still feel his massive hard-on pressed against me, just outside my opening. I nodded my head slowly. I wanted him to enter me so badly.
But he didn't right away. He put a finger inside of me, with his other fingers gently massaging my clit. I moaned and reached behind me to stroke his huge shaft. I reached down to my own throbbing opening to get some wetness on my hand, so that I could stroke him more smoothly.
I could feel his manhood pulsating in my hand. His hands were moving from my clit and opening, and was on my butt and exploring inside that part of my body. His fingers were wet from being inside of me, so he was able to easily slip his fingers into the other area. One of his fingers was swirling around inside of me, and his other hand was gently stroking my breasts and circling around my nipples.
I was getting impatient. I wanted him inside of me so badly it hurt. I could feel my clit throbbing, and the blood was rushing to that area. Sometimes Nick made me feel that I could literally pass out, and this was one of those times. My heavy breathing, combined with the touch that made me feel that I was not of this world, combined to make me feel that I was floating in mi-air. I felt soft, like I had no bones and that I was completely flexible.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, he finally put the tip of his engorged manhood just inside of me. I felt my vaginal area expanding in order to accommodate his enormous girth. I groaned as I felt him enter me even further. As he thrust all the way in, I felt the familiar feeling of an exploding orgasm that shook my entire body to its core.
"Don't stop, please don't stop," I said, as he thrust in and out, slowly and rhythmically. "That feels so amazing." And it did. With every thrust, every kiss, every caress, Mr. Lucas was fading farther and farther into my psyche. It was as if those three days that I suffered at his hands didn't even happen. Nothing bad had ever happened to me. Right at that moment, the only thing that I could think about was how awesome it felt to have Nick's warm skin next to me. To have Nick inside of me.
As orgasm after orgasm cascaded out of my body, I felt like I could touch heaven. Just a slice of it, anyhow. Such a contrast to being in hell, which was where I had just come from.
Then, to my surprise, I felt myself crying. I wasn't sure why. I think that it was the emotion of the moment, combined with the horrible memories that were brewing just below the surface. It felt like I was a raw nerve that was touched in many different ways, both positive and negative, and it was impossible to tell which of those emotions was paramount.
Nick immediately stopped what he was doing. He gently got on the other side of me, so that he was facing me. He brushed my hair out of my eyes and kissed my forehead gently. "What's wrong?" he asked, a look of concern on his beautiful face. "Talk to me, Scotty. What's going through your mind right now?"
I sighed. "I don't know," I said, as I took deep breaths in and out. I tried very hard to stem my tears, but it was no use. They cascaded down my face faster than I could possibly control them. "I don't know," I repeated, shaking my head. And I really didn't know. I didn't know where those tears came from. I didn't even know if they were happy tears or sad ones. They were probably a mixture of both, just as my emotions in these past few days were always a mixture of profound happiness and even more profound sadness.
Nick threw both of his arms around me, and put his hand in my hair. "That's okay, Scotty. Just feel what you need to feel. Don't judge it. Just feel it. I'm right here. I'll always be right here. I love you, Scotty. I love you."
Now I was really sobbing hard. I couldn't stop it. It got to the point where I was feeling like I couldn't breathe. Like I was asthmatic and had my airways completely constricted. That made me start to feel panicky, as I tried, and failed, to take a breath.
Nick's eyes got huge, and he shot up out of the bed and came back in a flash with an inhaler in his hand. "Here," he said. "Put your mouth on this and suck in hard." I did, as Nick pushed the top of the inhaler. As he did, I felt my lungs fill with air, and this was such a profound relief that I felt my body go limp. I was still sobbing, to the point that I didn't think that I would ever stop, but at least I was able to take breaths.
Nick just sat there, not saying a word. He, however, was continually stroking my hair and back comfortingly. There were no words that could be said at that point. Nothing that was said would have made any difference. I simply had to feel my emotions, and there was just no getting around it. It made me scared to know the depths of darkness and despair was lurking just below the surface. Somehow, making love with Nick had accessed these dark feelings. I guessed that he let the dam loose just by bringing down my shield that was protecting me. His lovemaking is what penetrated this armour, and there was no turning back.
From time to time I had to get some more puffs from the inhaler. Other than that, however, I pretty much sobbed non-stop for the rest of the night. Poor Nick didn't really know what to do, so he just silently let me feel my emotions for the rest of the night.